Not Ready to Lose You
by Palmer Blu
Summary: The call came in the middle of the night...When Reid gets hurt Morgan blames himself. He needs Reid to survive, even if Reid won't forgive him. It takes a tragedy to get Morgan to see that he can't lose Reid. He just isn't ready for that.
1. Chapter 1

**Not Ready to Lose You**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the characters.**  
_

The call came in the middle of the night. It broke the peaceful serenity that surrounded Morgan. With the ringing of the phone echoing throughout his home, he awakened. Only to ignore the call without looking at the caller ID. With the persistent noise gone, Morgan once again fell back into his deep slumber.

Rays from the sun filtered into the room. Lighting every inch of space that the curtains would allow. Birds chirped outside the window as they welcomed a new day. A buzzing began to emit from the clock as the alarm went off. Morgan reached out and silenced it before sitting up and stretching. As the sheets lay pooled around his naked torso Morgan grabbed his phone to check for any missed calls. To his utter shock there were ten missed calls in his call log. He quickly scrolled through them, mentally counting off the callers. _Why did Reid call me three times? And why has Hotch and Garcia also been calling?_ Needing to know what was so urgent that everyone had called in the middle of the night, Morgan dialed Garcia's number. She seemed to pick up immediately.

"Hello? Morgan, where the hell are you? What have you been doing all night? I hope that you weren't with some one night hooker. We have been-"

"Baby girl calm down." Morgan had to cut her off before she continued her rant. Once Penelope got started it was hard to stop her. "Breathe and tell me what has you so anxious."

"Derek, its Reid." There was a grave tone in her voice that didn't sit well with Morgan. He just knew that something was wrong. But he couldn't stop himself from prying the information from Garcia.

"Garcia, what about Reid?"

"Derek, Reid…Reid was shot last night." Morgan's heart skipped a beat as he felt his stomach drop. There was a sick feeling that settled over him as he opened and closed his mouth, trying to say something.

"Garcia I'm on my way to the hospital. Call me _immediately_ if anything changes." As Morgan hung up the phone he jumped out of bed. Normally his mornings began with a shower, but right now there was no time. Morgan threw on a pair of grey sweats and a white tee shirt, grabbed his keys, wallet, and credentials as he slipped on his shoes, and then rushed from the house.

The car ride was excruciating. He kept replaying his night in his head. Trying so hard to figure out how he had slept through nine of ten calls. Morgan grabbed his cell and flipped it open. He was checking to see if he had placed the phone on silent when he noticed the voicemail icon for the first time. As Morgan continued to drive to the hospital he called his voicemail placing the phone on speaker as Reid's voice filled his car.

"_Morgan, I'm sorry for calling so late. I, I just didn't know who else to call. It's just that I heard a noise from the kitchen, but I think I am just being paranoid. I was just calling so that you could tell me that I am being ridiculous and to go back to sleep."_

The Message ended only for another to play.

"_Morgan I'm really scared now. I heard something again. It was louder this time. I went to go look but all I found were pots thrown all over the floor. Something doesn't feel right. Please Morgan call me back."_

Morgan felt his eyes begin to water, but he couldn't focus on that as Reid's voice came through the speaker once again.

"_Morgan, I don't know why you won't answer. I really need someone to reassure me that I'm just being silly. Morgan please I-"_ Reid's sentence cut off and the sound of someone else's voice could be heard. Morgan couldn't hear what he was saying, but he did hear Reid hit the ground before he started to beg.

"_Please don't do this. I will do anything just don't. Just put the gun-"_Reid was cut off by a loud gunshot and then the line went dead. The tears fell from Morgan's eyes freely. He didn't even bother to stop them. When the tears began to cloud his vision, Morgan pulled over. The guilt had begun to shroud him. Reid had called him for help and he had ignored the kid. Reid was lying in a hospital bed and had been there while Morgan lounged in his bed.

Once the tears had stopped, Morgan clamped down on the guilt and pulled back onto the road. He disobeyed the speed limit as he raced to see how Reid was doing. As soon as Morgan parked his car he sprinted into the building, going up to the front desk.

"I'm here for a Dr. Spencer Reid." The nurse typed leisurely as she looked for Reid's room number. Morgan was tempted to tell her to hurry the hell up when she finally began to speak.

"Mr. Reid-"

"Dr. Reid." Morgan corrected her with a hint of irritation in his voice. She sighed.

"Dr. Reid is on the third floor. He hasn't come out of surgery yet so you will have to wait in the waiting room." Morgan nodded as he made his way to the elevator. After waiting thirty seconds he changed his mind as his patience dwindled away completely and decided to take the stairs. He took the steps two at a time, almost tripping twice. By the time he finally made it to the third floor and found the team he was out of breath. All eyes landed on him and he felt his mouth go dry. _How am I supposed to explain this? Hell what should I say?_

"I know. I know. I should have answered the phone." Morgan grabbed the bridge of his nose as he inhaled deeply. "Can, can someone tell me how bad it is?" His eyes darted from one person to another. He could feel the tension hanging in the air. When no one responded he dropped down into a seat and began to cry. He wasn't ready for this. Reid had yet to experience all that life had to give him. There was no way that Reid could lay in this hospital dying because of one psycho with a gun. Morgan felt an arm wrap around his shoulders and he leaned into the embrace. As the tears continued to fall he heard Garcia speak to him.

"Morgan, he _will_ be okay. We just have to stay positive."

"How do you know that?" Morgan looked up at Garcia through his tears. "How can you possibly know that he is going to be okay?"

"Because Morgan, Reid is _strong._ He will make it through this." Garcia rubbed small circles on Morgan's arm in an attempt to soothe some of his sorrow away. It wasn't helping though, but he didn't have the strength or the heart to tell her so.

"He is in here because of me."

"No Morgan, You cannot take the blame for this." Hotch spoke for the first time. Once the Unit Chief spoke the rest of the team seemed to unfreeze. They circled together, trying to give each other the strength that they needed to get through this.

"Hotch, he called me. Last night he called me three times. Each time he left a message asking for my reassurance and I, I didn't even answer." _This is so wrong. If I had answered the phone maybe I could have done something. Maybe I could have gotten to him before he was shot._

"Derek-"

"No, there are no excuses!" Morgan shot out of his seat as his rage and guilt ate away at him. "I will have to live with my guilt for the _rest of my life_. I ignored his first call and slept through the other two! He left three voicemails on my phone. One of them, the last one, actually has the sound of the gun going off. The exact same gun that put Reid in this damn hospital! Whether he lives or dies, I will never be able to get that sound out of my head. I will never be able to forgive myself. Nothing will ever be able to give me peace."

As Morgan's rant ended a doctor approached the team. "Are you all here for Spencer Reid?"

"Yes we are." Hotch replied since he was the only one who was actually holding it together.

"Well he has made it out of surgery and he will be fine. We had to do a blood transfusion due to his loss of blood. He will be in pain for a while as he heals, especially since his records say that we are not allowed to give him any narcotics."

"Can you do anything for his pain?" Morgan spoke up because he couldn't bear to think of his Pretty Boy in pain. _When did he become my Pretty Boy? Since when have I staked a claim on Reid?_

"We can give him something that is not a narcotic, but it will probably only take the edge off. We will give it to him if he so wishes, but we do not guarantee that it will work. He will be very tired and he needs his rest so please make sure he gets plenty of it. He also should not be alone during the first portion of his healing process….just to be safe. Also, we will be keeping him here for observation for a few days."

"Can we see him doctor?" That was the one thing that the entire team wanted an answer to.

"Yes you can but we ask that you not push him too hard. The last thing he needs right now is to become stressed." The team nodded to show their understanding. They all shared one last look before they made their way to Reid's room. When they entered some of the tension that had been hovering over them had faded. It was not that the team didn't believe the doctor when he had said that Reid was okay, but that they needed to see him….to be close to him. As the team crowded around the bed gazing down at the sleeping figure sadness and relief in their eyes, Morgan leaned against the wall next to the door. He watched the gentle rise and fall of Reid's chest as he breathed.

Morgan was wrapped up in his thoughts. _He looks so fragile…so broken. I wonder what he is thinking about. I hope that he isn't in pain. I wonder if he will ever forgive me._ The image that sat before him was burned into his brain. The pale look that Reid's skin had. The needles and tubes that ran from almost every exposed surface of his body. The purple under his eyes that made him look exhausted. His hair was damp like it had just been washed. _Most likely it was to remove the blood from it._ The bedding covered everything below neck. Wherever Reid had been shot it was not visible right now. Morgan was thankful for that. _I don't think that I am stable enough to see the wound. That would make this all too real._ Reid began to shift in the bed and the team seemed to hold their breath.

With a soft moan that was barely audible Reid's eyes slowly opened. His brown eyes took in the team as they all smiled down at him. He tried to speak but nothing seemed to come out. When he attempted to sit up Garcia was the person who broke the surreal trance that had fallen over them all.

"Oh my little Junior G-Man! Don't you dare move. You need your rest." Garcia's hands seemed to flutter as she busied herself trying to figure out what it was that Reid needed. Reid cleared his throat before he spoke his first word since awakening.

"Derek." Shock filled the room and JJ gasped. When no one moved Reid spoke again. "Where is Derek? I need Derek." His heart rate started to rise, causing the machine monitoring him to beep insistently. Morgan moved forward with his eyes cast down. He moved to Reid's right side and grabbed his hand. He gave a gentle squeeze that made Reid look at him.

"Hey Kid, how are you feeling?" _That's a stupid question. He was shot last night. How do you think he feels?_ Morgan griped at himself in his head until he heard Reid speak.

"Derek it wasn't your fault." Morgan's head jerked up to look at Reid and then he scanned the room. He was surprised to find that the team had left the room. _I didn't even hear them leave. _

"What do-"

"I know you Derek. We have been friends for a very long time. Every time something happens to me you blame yourself. Albeit you have never admitted that you feel guilty about it outright, the look is always in your eyes-covering your face."

Morgan's voice lowered to a whisper. "What look is that Reid?"

"The exact same one that you are wearing now. Your eyes look empty and haunted. Almost as if you have seen a ghost. The sparkle that is normally there is gone, making them look like an hollow shell. There are worry lines marring you face, making you look significantly older. You look….lost."

"This is my fault." Morgan squeezed Reid's hand again. It was a gesture of comfort. Who he was comforting right at that moment he didn't know. "If I had answered the phone maybe I would have been able to get to you. Maybe I would have been able to convince you to leave the house. Maybe-"

"You're right Morgan. Maybe you could have. But you know what's interesting about maybe?"

"What?" Morgan was losing this debate he could tell, but he wasn't ready to give up just yet. He would show Reid that he had messed up and that he wouldn't do it again for as long as he lived.

"Maybe is never guaranteed. There is no definite answer where maybe is concerned. So even if you had picked up the phone there is no way that you could have known that there was a psycho coming after me. You may be a damn good profiler Derek, but you are still human."

"That's the problem Reid! I'm a profiler! I'm a FBI agent; I am not allowed to _not _answer my phone! Not answering could mean life or-" Morgan couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence. The wound was still too fresh to go down that path. But apparently Reid didn't see it that way.

"Death. Morgan people die every day, every minute, every second. You can't be superman…you can only be Derek." Reid released Morgan's hand long enough to pat the bed telling Morgan to sit. Morgan did just that. _I won't deny him anything that he wants right now._ Once Morgan was seated and his hand was firmly back in Reid's grasp he continued to speak. "You can't always be there to protect me Derek. I have to learn to protect myself."

"No, you don't. That's what I am here for Spencer."

"Morgan, don't be-"

"Spencer, I'm not being silly. I'm serious. You're my Pretty Boy! I have always been protective of you and I always will be. At first I didn't understand why. Then when I figured it out I didn't want to believe it." Morgan took a deep breath and then stared into Reid's eyes. _If I am going to confess something like this I am going to do it the right way. Spencer deserves nothing less than that. _"Spence, I can't lose you. I'm not ready to wake up and mourn your death. I'm not ready to see someone else sitting at your desk. I'm not ready to experience life without you."

"What are you saying Derek?"

"I'm saying that I love you Spencer Reid. I'm in love with you. I have been for a very long time. I just hope that you can forgive me for the major screw up that happened last night." There were tears in Morgan's eyes now. He had tried so hard to hold his emotions in…to not let Reid know just how much he was hurting over almost losing him. Maybe it was better this way. Better to let it out so that his words would sink into Reid's mind.

"I love you too Derek." Reid ran his thumb across Morgan's cheek, removing the tears from his face. "And I forgive you….even though I was never upset with you in the first place."

"Thank you Spencer." Morgan leaned forward until his face was just an inch away from Reid's. He could feel Reid's breathe against his lips. "Spencer I'm not ready for you to go. Please don't ever scare me like that again."

"Can't make any promises, but that's okay because I know that my superman will be there to save me." Reid smiled as he closed the distance. Their lips met in a slow sensual kiss. It wasn't demanding or rushed, but it was passionate. It showed the love that they had kept hidden from each other for so long. Finally the wait was over.

"By the way Derek, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

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_**A/N: So what did you think? I am thinking about writing a sequel, but only if you all liked this enough to read another part! So review and let me know if you would like to see a Sequel! Any suggestions or corrections please let me know so that I can improve this story! Until next time...SEE YA :-D**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Not Ready to Lose You Chapter 2**

_**A/N: Okay so I was thinking about writing a sequel, but then I got a review from one of my wonderful readers that suggested something that appealed to me so much more. So thanks to that brilliant reader, I am going to turn this into a multi-chapter fic. How many chapters will be in this story? I have no clue, but don't worry I won't stop until the team catches the person who shot Reid. At least that's the goal. Anyways let me stop rambling so that you can get on to chapter two of Not Ready to Lose You. Enjoy!**  
_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the characters. I only own the plot!**_

* * *

The water was perfect. The temperature was just right and the bubbles covered every surface of the water. Lavender scented candles were scattered throughout the bathroom. Their scent was intoxicating and relaxing. Soft classical music was playing in the background. Everything was just serene…like all the problems from the last few weeks didn't matter. For a moment in time he was able to pretend that the horrific experience hadn't taken place. He could pretend that he hadn't been shot with his own gun, in his own home, while he called the man that he loved on the phone. In this time and place the event seemed so far away. Almost as if it had happened in another life.

Then came the gentle hands that ran nimbly through the brown locks of hair. Their touch was so soft and sensual that it felt like all the tension was pulled out through Reid's scalp. Carefully….skillfully the hands worked the shampoo into his hair. His partner dragged his fingertips over his scalp, enjoying the act a little more than anyone would think possible. He sighed with contentment, loving the feel of Morgan pampering him. _I can't believe this. I never thought that I would see the day that Derek Morgan would be a hopeless romantic sap._

"Lean back Pretty Boy. It's time to rinse." Morgan's voice was quiet and deep, penetrating through Reid's mind instantly. Reid did as he was told, careful not to move too much. He was still sore from the gunshot wound. Then everything hit him like a moving train. The gunshot played over again in his mind and the sound of the firing weapon echoed in his ears. Then there was the scene of waking up in the hospital, asking for Morgan. Finally his mind played back for him the time since his release. He relived every moment that he had spent with Morgan, watching as the strong man catered to his every need without a single complaint.

"Why are you doing this?" Reid couldn't control his need for the answer. He had been curious about the reply to the question since he was released from the hospital. Morgan still refused to give him an answer.

"Why am I doing what?" Morgan said, attempting to fake ignorance. It wasn't the first time that Reid had asked that question and certainly wasn't going to be the last unless he got the answer he wanted. He was determined. After watching Morgan torture himself by having Reid tell him exactly what happened, Reid knew that there was something going on with Morgan. He was taking all of this a little more personal than anyone was expecting. _Of course I know that Derek has a protector complex, still it doesn't explain why he wants to carry around the burden of my trauma. According to him it's because, "I don't want you to have to suffer alone Pretty Boy. I wasn't there when it happened, but I will be damned if I let you try to heal from this alone. You won't go through this by yourself…I won't let you." _Those words still played on an endless loop in Reid's mind…and he still couldn't understand why this meant so much to Morgan, but he was determined to find out.

"Really, Derek? You know exactly what I am talking about. It has been fifteen days, nineteen hours, forty-eight minutes, and seventeen seconds since the _incident_ and you have been acting…I guess strange is the word that I would use."

"What is so strange about me bathing you and washing your hair?" Reid gave Morgan a look that said, "Do I really need to answer that?".

"What? Because I'm all big and muscular I'm not allowed to have a softer side. Is it a crime for me to be a romantic?" Reid smiled.

"No, it's not a crime. A complete and utter shock maybe, but not a crime. I just have never seen this side of you."

"Well, I plan on you being the _one_ and _only_ person seeing this side of me." He glanced at his watch and then back at Reid. He was waiting for something. While he had been acting strange since Reid's release, he had been acting even more so since this morning. Something had happened on the phone this morning.

"Who was on the phone this morning?" His eyes widened in shock, but Reid could already see Morgan's mind working to formulate a response.

"It was just a personal call…you know just someone who wants to catch up." He was dodging the question and he knew that Reid could tell. Then it clicked for Reid.

"It was Hotch wasn't it?" His question was met with silence and the avoidance of eye contact, so Reid pressed on.

"Are you requesting time off to babysit me?"

"What! No, Reid I'm not requesting time off."

"But you are babysitting me?" Reid raised his chin a little. It was his attempt at showing his defiance and determination.

"Can we just please drop this?" Morgan stood up and placed the towel that was in his hand on the side of the tub. "I'll be in the bedroom when you're done."

As he walked out Reid's mind started fishing for answers. He found himself analyzing everything that had happened today. The first thing that had clicked was that he had been called Reid. Since the love confession, Morgan had been veering away from the usage of Reid's surname and had shown a preference for his many pet names. _Morgan is on the defensive. He only calls me Reid when he is irritated, angry, worried, or defensive. I haven't done anything to irritate him…that I can recall. He could be worried, but what would he be worried about?_ Then everything else began to replay in Reid's mind. _He has been overbearing and overprotective today…at least more so than usual. His focus has been kind of off today, like his thoughts are somewhere else. He is clearly worried about something._

Reid climbed out of the tub and began to dry off. He was moving on autopilot…mainly because he was worried about Morgan. Reid didn't understand what would have his muscular and confident lover so shaken up and paranoid. With a towel wrapped firmly around his waist Reid exited the bathroom. Upon entering the bedroom he found Morgan lying on his back, hands behind his head and his eyes closed. _His breathing hasn't slowed so I know that he isn't sleep. That means that he is trying to avoid talking to me._

Reid slowly made his way over to the foot of the bed. Morgan didn't bother to move or even open his eyes. Reid frowned as he stared at Morgan. _I refuse to be ignored!_ With a look of pure resolve on his face Reid climbed on the bed and straddled Morgan's waist. He placed his hands on the firm chest of his dark lover and waited patiently.

"While this is a tempting position Pretty Boy, in your current condition nothing can happen. At least nothing too physically demanding." Morgan winked at Reid which caused him to roll his eyes. He knew what was going on. Morgan was trying to distract them both, but Reid wasn't going for it.

"Morgan what did Hotch say?" Morgan sighed deeply as he covered his eyes with his arm. He stayed silent for a while, trying to find the right words to use. Reid always tended to overanalyze things and the last thing Morgan wanted was for his lover to worry himself into sickness. With everything that had happened so far tension was already exceedingly high…there was no room for any added stress, but how long could he hide something like this. Eventually Morgan gave up.

"He called to tell me that he got a delivery this morning that was addressed to you both. It was a letter that, that-" Morgan stopped prematurely, not really dealing well with the news from earlier.

"A letter that what Derek?" Morgan stayed quiet as if he hadn't heard Reid. That was all it took for Reid to go off the handle. "Come on Morgan, don't close me out! You said that you weren't ready to lose me, but that is exactly what you are doing by shutting down on me!" Reid raised his hands and slammed them down on Morgan's chest.

"Dammit Reid!" Morgan shouted out. Rage lacing his words.

"Hurts don't it?" Well that's how I feel when you pull stupid shit like this!" Morgan had to open his eyes at Reid's usage of foul language. _The kid must be really upset. He never talks like that. There I go again, hurting him more than I am helping. _Morgan continued to mentally chastise himself not noticing that Reid had gotten off of him. _There has to be something that I can do to protect him. Something that will ensure that he remains safe._ Morgan focused back on reality trying to get a grip on the situation. It took him a few minutes to register that the weight that had been settled on him was gone. His eyes settled on Reid as he stared out the large bedroom window. A sense of emptiness began to seep into Morgan's bones.

"Spencer….Spence!" Reid turned around at the forceful edge in Morgan's voice. The pain was till prominent on his face. _What have I done to you, Kid?_ When it became painstakingly obvious that Reid was not going to move on his own accord, Morgan gestured for him to come back over to the bed. Slowly, Reid dragged his feet until he was standing next to his partner. Morgan reached out and grabbed his wrist, gently guiding him back into his previous position. Only when Reid was once again straddling him did Morgan speak.

"Spence, I'm so sorry. I-I just want to protect you."

"Derek you can't-"

"Let me finish Pretty Boy…please?" Reid nodded. This was something that Morgan needed to express. Reid could see it in his eyes. The dark orbs held a shine to them that seem out of place. Morgan was fighting tears. Tears that showed just how frightened and unsure he really was.

"I know that you don't want my constant presence hovering over you, but the truth is that I am not just doing it for you. I am also doing that for me. Focusing on anything besides you is difficult, if not damn near impossible, when I am unsure if you are safe. I cringe when I think about you being alone with an unsub or kidnapped. I nearly break down every time you say that you need to go to a meeting, or rather _see a movie_ as we so elegantly put it. Not because of the addiction itself, but because of the torment that you had to experience in order to get hooked in the first place.

"When I say that I hate seeing you distraught or in pain over anything, I mean anything- even though to me hate is a _huge_ understatement. Pretty Boy, I love you and I need you to understand why I need to protect you." Morgan reached out and placed his hand on Reid's cheek. His thumb gently rubbed back and forth in a soothing motion. Reid leaned into the contact, reveling in the feel of having Morgan so close.

"Derek, I understand that you have to protect me. It's just part of your whole alpha male, too much testosterone persona."

"Hey!" Morgan softly slapped Reid's hip as a gentle and playful warning, a smiling tugging at his lips.

"What? It's true, but it's one of the reasons why I love you. You just have to understand that you can't protect me by hiding important things from me. That only makes you secretive and appears somewhat controlling. So, Derek please tell me what Hotch told you." Derek sighed as he realized that he had no choice but to tell Spencer everything.

"Fine! Hotch said that a letter was delivered to the BAU today. When he opened it he noticed that it was addressed to both of you, but the writer only spoke to you. The letter is from the person who shot you." Morgan took a moment to regain his composure. _Here goes the hard part._

"He said that that night was only the beginning. He said that the hunt is on and that when the game ends you will be the trophy on his wall."

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_**A/N: So sorry about the cliff hanger, but my creativity thought this would be a great place to stop. So if you want to blame anyone you can blame my creativity, who currently has no name :)...Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Until next time. See Ya :D**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Not Ready to Lose You Chapter 3**

_**A/N:(Not a new chapter update. Just had some corrections to make.) Well it took me a little longer than I would have liked, but finally I have the third chapter posted. I just want to thank all you guys who are reviewing this story. You all are truly putting a smile on my face and inspiring me to continue this story. Well enough of my ranting. Without further ado, here is chapter 3 of Not Ready to Lose You! Enjoy!**  
_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the characters. I only own the plot.**_

_**Warnings: Some Profane language, and a few suggestive thoughts but nothing that is too much to handle :)**_

* * *

'_Poor kid, he is probably trying so hard to figure out why the universe is out to get him.'_ Thought Morgan as he rubbed gentle, sure circles on Reid's thighs. Reid remained silent as he absorbed the information that Morgan had just dished out. His stomach sat in knots as his mind ran over the probability of catching his shooter before the unsub got him first. He was unfortunately very certain that his chances were very slim. Now he understood why Morgan had tried so hard to keep this from him…to protect him from a demon that was sure to try and rip apart his foundation. _'It's true what people say. Ignorance is bliss.'_ Reid wrapped his arms around himself, trying to hold it all together.

"Spencer, talk to me baby boy." Morgan spoke quietly, just loud enough to be heard but not loud enough to spook the young man. Reid was in a fragile state and Morgan was trying to avoid a conflict as much as was humanly possible.

Reid stayed silent, not knowing exactly what there was to say. His mind was still trying to wrap itself around the idea of being hunted like a mere animal. He had been struggling enough when he had been shot and thought it was just someone looking for an outlet. Now the truth was out. There was a psychopath at large in D.C. and Reid was his target.

"Pretty Boy, say something please."

"Am I going to die?" The question was whispered as if Reid was afraid of the answer. _Am I ready to face death again? Wonder if I will make it out alive this time._ Reid was shaken from his morbid thoughts by a firm shake from Morgan.

"No Spencer, you are not going to die. I won't let that happen. I am going to catch this son of a bitch and make sure that he never sees the light of day again." Morgan sat up slowly making sure not to dislodge Reid from his body. Wrapping his arms around Reid's waist he placed a gentle kiss to his lips. The goal was to provide comfort and support. To let Reid know that he wasn't alone. That there was someone that was going to make sure that everything turned out okay.

"Derek, I want to go to work tomorrow."

"Wait, what?" _I was certainly not expecting that. Even though I think that I should have saw this coming. This is Reid that I'm talking to._

"I want to go to work. Maybe the team can help me."

"Spence-" Morgan was cut off by Reid holding up a hand.

"Derek before you say anything you should know that I am not sitting out on this case. If someone is out to get me then you should undoubtedly know that I am not going to just lag around while some creep is out there hunting me like some wild boar." Reid slid off of Morgan to lie down on the other side of the bed. His back to his lover. "Now you can spoon with me now and we can wake up happy and content while preparing for work. Or you can go all _'I am your protector and you shall obey me'_ and sleep over there and we can be miserable as we go in tomorrow. Either way I am going to Quantico."

Morgan couldn't hold back the grin that graced his face. _He certainly has become feisty. I think I like it._ Morgan chuckled as he lay down and moved to cradle Reid against his body. Reid snuggled in close.

"You win Pretty Boy, and just so you know I do not sound like that."

"Whatever you say honey."

"Honey? Did you really just use a pet name on me?" Morgan raised an eyebrow even though Reid couldn't see him. Reid wasn't really one for using pet names. Morgan didn't really mind them; he actually wished that Reid used them more.

"Huh? Oh yea sorry about that. It kind of slipped." Reid turned a dark shade of red that made Morgan laugh, his breath grazing against the back of Reid's neck.

"Don't apologize for it. I actually like it." Reid relaxed once more in Morgan's arms as he allowed sleep to take him over. Morgan felt Reid's breathing slow down to a relaxed pace as he fell asleep. For him sleep was not coming any time soon. There was too much happening to his genius for him to rest peacefully. The anger was building deep inside, itching to be released. Morgan wanted to do nothing more than he wanted to hunt down the sick person who was torturing his lover. But that would have to wait. Lashing out would not help Reid, Morgan knew that. His job at that moment was to protect Reid, from his own destructive thoughts and from the crazy ass individual who was harassing him. Morgan laid awake thinking and pondering all that had happened to Reid so far, and what was sure to come. Tomorrow would be a long day for them both, but he was prepared to guard Reid from anything that came his way.

* * *

The alarm went off, forcing Morgan to open his eyes. He had only just fallen asleep three hours ago- only being able to shut his body down because he had been completely and totally exhausted. Now he was waking to the annoying blaring of the clock and Reid wasn't budging to hit the snooze button. That was when he noticed the lack of warmth that normally accompanied a night with his lover. Once his senses were functionally completely, no longer hindered by his groggy state, he noticed the sound of the shower running. _'The kid was serious about this whole going to work thing. He is even up early.'_ Morgan sat up in bed and swung his legs over the side, stretching as his feet hit the floor.

Morgan stood, shivering as the chill of the house quickly set in. He moved into the hallway, stopping at the thermostat on his way to the kitchen. _'If I have to deal with this BS this morning, then I will at least do it with the strongest coffee that I can possibly handle."_ On autopilot, Morgan moved around the kitchen, his thoughts focusing on the man in his shower. '_More like our shower. Spence practically lives here.'_ That thought put a smile on Morgan's face as he pulled to mugs from the cupboard. When he turned around to lean against the counter he was greeted by the sight of Reid wrapped in a towel. He hadn't heard the younger agent come in and his heart rate instantly went up.

"Dammit Reid, you almost gave me a damn heart attack!" Morgan clutched his chest, a frown plastered on his face.

Reid smirked, "What did I do." Reid held his hands up in mock surrender, a look of innocence shining brightly. When Morgan raised his eyebrows at him, Reid couldn't help but laugh. Quickly he stepped forward and placed kisses to Morgan's forehead, eyelids, and nose before finally allowing their lips to meet. Morgan traced Reid's bottom lips with his tongue, seeking out entrance. Reid quickly obliged, a moan escaping him. Morgan growled as he wrapped his arms around the slimmer man, pulling him close. When they finally pulled apart they were both panting trying desperately to catch their breath.

"What was that for Pretty Boy?" Morgan rested his forehead against Reid's, for some reason needing the reassurance of the close proximity. This was his Pretty Boy…the Reid that he had fallen in love with. He feared that he was going to lose the playful, spontaneous, affectionate lover to a hollow shell. Reid was frightened by the news that he had received last night. What human being wouldn't be? He was trying so hard to hide it, but he should have known that Morgan was the one person who could read him like an open book all the time. While Reid was smiling and joking around now, the fear was evident in his eyes and posture. He was trying too hard to be happy.

"Just because. Plus I don't like you frowning….need to protect this handsome face." Reid caressed Morgan's cheek.

Morgan chuckled, "Shallow much?"

"I'm not being shallow...I'm just stating the obvious. And honey believe me, it's obvious that that is one handsome face." Reid leaned forward and gave Morgan a quick kiss on the lips. "Why else would I still be around?" Reid pulled away just a Morgan growled playfully. Morgan gave chase, loving the sound of Reid laughing as he sprinted through the house to the bedroom. Morgan was right behind Spencer…able to grab him whenever he was ready. He was enjoying the chase too much to stop, but as soon as they entered the room Morgan scooped Reid into his arms bridal style. Placing him on the bed Morgan hovered over him, his hands placed on either side of Reid's face, effectively blocking him in.

"So what were we talking about….oh right now I remember. My handsome face." Morgan smiled as Reid giggled. "You know I love that."

"Love what Derek?" Reid was still having trouble suppressing his giggles.

"That right there. Knowing that I can break through all of your reserves and get you to open up when no one else can. Besides I love the way you laugh. It's cute."

"Excuse me, but I believe that cute is for puppies and babies. " The laugh that burst forth from Morgan was one of pure bliss and enjoyment. For the first time in the last two weeks Reid was in laughing mood. His smile was huge and his body was no longer shying away from physical contact like before. Reid was becoming comfortable around Morgan, he felt safe with the older man.

"Right you are Pretty Boy, right you are." They both leaned forward relishing in a gentle kiss. Morgan pressed forward pushing Reid back down on to the mattress. He was so worked up right now. He wanted nothing more than to undress his lover and stay locked away all day. Of course that couldn't happen with Reid being in his fragile state- both mentally and physically- and the fact that Reid brought up one important thing.

"So, we should probably get ready for work. It's almost time for us to leave."

"Ugh, don't remind me." Morgan rolled over to lie on his back. Resting his hands behind his head as he watched Reid move around the room. As Reid busied himself preparing for work, Morgan couldn't help but worry about the day ahead…even with the appealing view in front of him. _'Today is really going to be a long day.'_

* * *

The bullpen was bustling with agents moving here and there focusing on cases from all over. Everyone was zoned out, not really observant of the things going on around them. The BAU team stood huddled around Prentiss' desk…well everyone minus Hotch who was being his usual serious all about work self. Garcia laughed loudly as Prentiss recalled her night with a random guy at the bar. The day was pretty relaxed so far.

"Has anyone seen Morgan and Reid? Hotch wants us all in the conference room." Said JJ as she entered the bullpen from her office. The edge in Hotch's voice had told her that the situation was urgent. So she had scurried to gather what little information that they had on the victim and the crime scene and was ready for the team to converge together. She was in full flight agent mode, waiting with baited breath for something tragic to happen. More importantly she was worried about the victim of the case.

"I don't know. Maybe they decided to sleep in." Chimed in Prentiss.

Garcia was next to respond with an unusual quip of her own. "Perhaps they are off making little genius chocolate thunder god babies." The team laughed as the image of Morgan and Reid with kids ran through all of their minds.

"Or maybe we are right behind you, baby girl." Morgan smiled when the team jumped at the sound of his voice. Reid was blushing profusely as was Garcia. Prentiss grinned as she stood making her way to the conference room.

"So much for genius chocolate thunder god babies." Prentiss shouted back as she walked through the door disappearing from sight. The team quickly followed finding Hotch already sitting at the table with a grimace on his face. There was evidently something seriously wrong. Normally, Hotch's face was blank. Usually void of any type of emotion. The fact that there was anything readable on his face told the team that the situation was dire and clearly hitting close to home for the unit chief. Morgan held his breath as Reid asked the one question that was on everyone's mind.

"What's wrong Hotch? What happened?"

"We have a problem."

"Yea well I know that. That psycho is still out there looking for me. And before anyone objects to anything I am going to say right now that I am working this case. I'm not going to sit around helplessly while some monster hunts me down as you hunt him down." Reid defiantly placed his hands on his hips. Daring anyone to argue the point with him.

"Well then everyone should sit down." As everyone sat Hotch stood moving so that he was in reach of the phone. "When I walked in this morning there was a message left for the team…and more specifically for Reid. Before we get into profiling this unsub, I think that we need to listen to this. It is clearly from Reid's attacker." Hotch pressed one button on the phone and immediately the voicemail started to play.

_'Well, Well, Well. How nice it is to finally be able to let you all hear my voice. Agent Hotchner, I know that you are eager for me to get to the point so I will do you a favor and jump right in. As you all know Dr. Reid was shot sixteen days ago. Well its time that the job be finished. The fact that he survived is merely a mistake on my part. One that I intend to correct. So to Dr. Spencer Reid, because I know for a fact that you are indeed sitting in the room listening to this recording, be prepared to lose everything. You will die and I plan to be the one to end your pathetic life. Agent Derek Morgan, the savior of our innocent genius. I hope that you haven't grown too attached to your little boy toy, because I promise that I am going to rip him from your life…permanently. So I will give you seventy-two hours to attempt to profile me. After the time has run out I will call you back. If by that time you have no answers, my demands will start to poor in and my patience will begin to wane. Let's hope that innocent people will not have to die during this process, because honestly I am only after the good doctor. Talk to you all soon."_

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**_A/N: There you have it. Another cliffhanger ending to leave you craving more. So I am currently looking for a beta for this story as well as all my other stories/chapters going forward. If you are interested please let me know. Also don't forget to R&R! Your reviews are like food for my creativity! Until next time...See ya :D_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Not Ready to Lose You Chapter 4**

_**A/N: Welcome again my pretties! I hope that I have not kept you waiting to long for this update! I had some trouble getting it done, but finally it all worked out. I would like to thank my beta, RogueStorm84, for doing an amazing job looking this over. I also want to thank you all for R&R and following me and the story! You all have made me a very happy camper :D Anyways enough with my rambling. On with the show!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the Characters, well besides the psychopath, only the plot. Did I mention that I own this story's resident psycho? Just checking!**_

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The first forty-eight hours passed with little success. The team had been racking their brains searching for anything that could help them with this case. Truth be told they didn't even really know what they were looking for. They had had Garcia run a search looking for males who had been shot in their homes and then hunted. Unfortunately the search had come up empty. Everyone was dragging their feet trying to catch sight of something that they had missed.

"Okay, so what do we know so far?" Hotch was normally the one that was fully alert, but right now as he questioned his team he looked as if he would pass out at any moment.

"Well he is definitely a male in his late twenties early thirties," Said JJ warily.

"He is arrogant. He speaks as if he won't be caught. He knows that right now we have nothing on him," Stated Rossi as he stared down at his memo pad, rubbing his beard as he thought about what could be missing.

"The crime suggests that the shot was the initial attack that was simply meant to add to the excitement. Maybe he wants to prey on his victims. Let them get healthy only to hunt them down again." Emily looked at Morgan with a hint of sorrow in her eyes. Morgan stood up and walked out of the room, his jaw clenched so tight it was amazing that his teeth didn't crack under the pressure. That was when Reid stood up, irritation rolling off of him.

"First, let's not talk about this case as if it isn't personal. We all have a tie to this case. Your connection to it, whether you like it or not, is me! So can we please drop the nonchalant, this is just like every other case attitudes? Second, let's not talk to me like a victim. Yes, I was shot and frankly I am terrified for my life. NO one understands how shaken I am. But the thing is that I refuse to let some man interrupt my life. I am not going to sit around and play victim, waiting for you all to save me. Lastly, can we please stop shooting Morgan the sympathetic looks? He feels bad enough, no need to make him feel worse."

"Reid," Was all Hotch said in warning, but there was no hint of disapproval in his voice. He simply just wanted everyone to focus on the task at hand. Hotch surveyed the room, the faces of his team burned into his mind as he saw their defeated and tired looks. They clearly needed a break.

"Alright, everyone go home and call it a night. We will pick this up tomorrow morning." Everyone rushed from the room except Reid and Hotch. Sitting back down and pulling his notepad towards himself, Reid began reading over the details that they had gathered so far. He watched his boss busy himself with his belongs, knowing full well that he wanted to say something.

"What is it Hotch?"

Hotch hesitated before he finally spoke, "You're right about us not knowing what you went through back at your apartment…at least not all of us. I understand that you are having a hard time processing all of this, but don't forget that while some of us have not suffered exactly as you have or are, we still suffer. Perhaps you should feel relieved that we care so much that we have to treat this just like any other case otherwise we would all break."

Hotch made his way to the door only to stop and turn around when Reid's voice met his ears. "Thank you Hotch. For caring. But there are some things that caring can't fix. Do you know that I have not set foot in my apartment in eighteen days? Not because I haven't had time or because I haven't thought about it. No, I haven't been there because I am afraid, Hotch. I'm terrified of what it will remind me of what happened. The idea that I could ever be so helpless again shakes me to my very core. Hotch, I was shot in my own home! Then there are the nightmares that plague me every time Morgan leaves my side at night. Yes, he has been good for me….so good to me, but it is only a matter of time before he realizes that he doesn't really want me. How could he want the socially awkward genius who can't help but ramble?"

"Perhaps Reid, you should give Morgan the chance to tell you what he wants instead of making assumptions. Make sure you get some sleep….we will start fresh tomorrow." Reid listened to the footsteps fade as he sat in his seat, heart racing. He had wanted to get those things off of his chest for the past week. Morgan was everything to him….more than everything. Morgan was practically all that he had left. He had a father who was barely present and his mother, though he loved her dearly and he knew that she felt the same, she was almost completely gone. Her body was still surviving, but her mind was slowly dying. _Losing him would kill me….listen to me. I'm the genius who has fallen in love and making statements that I know can't possibly happen. I am so far gone._ Reid's thoughts were broken by a cough coming from the doorway.

"Do you really feel that way?" Morgan watched Reid become tense and that was all he needed to answer his question. His voice was strained as he continued to speak, "Just so you know, you are the one that I want. I'm sorry that all this had to happen to you in order for me to see that but honestly you are the one."

"Morgan…."

"Yes Pretty Boy?" Morgan moved to squat beside Reid. He brushed the back of his fingers across Reid's cheek gently. He stayed silent knowing that when he was ready the younger agent would speak. He didn't have to wait long.

"I don't know what I am supposed to do. It feels like I have to be strong, you know because of the job we do. But honestly I don't feel strong. I feel fragile."

"Spencer, no one is expecting you to be strong. You're not invincible. It's okay to be scared…baby that is what lets you know that we are alive. It's also what separates us from people like him." Morgan grabbed his lover's hands, giving them a tentative squeeze. Reid looked down at him for the first time since he had come back into the room.

"You know someone very wise once told me that I couldn't be superman…that I could only be me, be Derek. The same applies to you."

Reid smiled, "Who said that?"

Morgan couldn't hold in his chuckle. "That wise person was you genius, but I'm pretty sure that you remember it perfectly."

"I do remember, but it doesn't hurt to hear the praise sometimes."

"Well, that just means that I will spend the rest of my days telling you how awesome you are and how much I love you." Morgan stood letting go of Reid's hands. "Now let's get out of here so that you can rest that brilliant brain of yours, Pretty Boy."

"Actually you go ahead without me. I am going to work on this case some more. There has to be something that I am missing."

"Spencer Reid, what did we just talk about…and before you open your mouth I do not need to hear the entire conversation again verbatim. Now get your skinny ass up and come home with me so that you can get some sleep. You are no good to the team if you are mentally and physically exhausted." Without further argument Reid stood up. Grabbing his coat he walked out of the conference room a smile on his face and the man he loved trailing closely behind him.

* * *

Morgan found himself at the office at seven thirty. Reid had insisted on being at the office before eight, and when Reid wanted something he didn't stop until he got it. Morgan had attempted to roll over and ignore his boyfriend, but Reid simply pushed him out of the bed, effectively dumping him on the freezing floor. Now he was sitting at his desk still grumbling about the incident. Garcia walked into his office at about a quarter till.

"Hey my Chocolate Adonis. We are waiting for you in- are you okay?"

"I don't know how to do this Baby Girl."

"Do what Sweet Cheeks?"

"I don't know how to walk in there and pretend that this doesn't bother me. I know Spencer needs me to be strong, but what am I supposed to do? I came close to losing him once…I don't know if I can face that again."

"Are you trying to say that you don't want to be with him because some sick psychopath is on a rampage with Reid's name at the top of his list?"

"What! No, that's not-"

"Good because Derek Morgan he has been through a lot. And while _you_ may not know how to handle this, how do you think _he feels_? Besides, when did this become about you? Last time I checked Reid was the one who took a bullet. Not to mention he is the one who has to sleep with one eye open and will possibly feel like he has blood on his hands because in less than an hour this creep is going to call back. So maybe you should suck it up and deal with whatever macho complex you have going on and get your head out of your ass."

"Gar-" Morgan was cut short as Garcia stormed from his office. She was right of course. He had taken a situation that had barely anything to do with him and had completely submerged himself in it. He was being selfish to the one person that didn't need anything else added to his load. With that in mind and the scolding from Garcia fresh he made his way to the conference room to find Hotch asking Reid questions.

"Reid, what do you remember when you first woke up?"

"There was a sound coming from the front of the apartment. It sounded like a rat had knocked something down. I got out of bed and made my way towards the noise. When I reached the kitchen I realized that nothing was out of place. Nothing except the fact that the lights were on."

"Think really hard here Reid. Did you or did you not leave the lights on in the kitchen."

"All the lights except a lamp beside my bed were off." Reid opened his eyes and stared at Hotch. Things were starting to click. He hadn't noticed before now that the lights had been off before he had gone to bed. "He was already in the house. Hotch, keep going. I think that this is helping."

"If you're sure." Hotch paused, but when he didn't receive any sign to stop from Reid he continued. "What happened the second time you was awakened?"

Reid closed his eyes once more. "The clattering got worse. There was more noise this time, almost as if someone wanted to announce their presence. When I got out of bed I noticed that heat had been turned on. Once I returned to the kitchen I noticed that the pots were thrown all over the floor. I called Morgan a second time and then went back to bed." Only Garcia witnessed Morgan flinch at the mention of the phone call.

"And the last time you got out of bed, what happened?"

"I hadn't been able to get back to sleep after the second interruption, so I had simply lain in bed with my eyes open. There was a noise like someone going through drawers and then there was a creak. I moved to the living with my phone in hand. As I was dialing Morgan's number again I moved back to the bedroom to grab my gun. I normally keep it in the first drawer of my nightstand, so it was really weird that it wasn't there. I knew something was wrong, but I went back into the living room anyway as I got Morgan's voicemail again. Then there was the sound of footsteps and then he was standing in front of me. He had on a mask with my gun pointed at me." Reid shivered as he relived the horrendous event. He was shaking pretty bad when Morgan decided that he needed to help Reid through this. He swiftly moved to Reid's side, pulling out a chair and turning it so that he was facing Reid. Reid kept his eyes closed, but even with that sense gone he still knew that it was Morgan that was trying to give him comfort…to guide him back to reality. But he couldn't go back until this was done. The case depended on him being strong enough to get through this. _Just a little more._

"He said, '_How nice it is to see you again, Spencer. Did you miss me?'_ When I didn't answer he backhanded me and I fell to the floor. The phone dropped from my hand but it wasn't that far away. I tried to reason with him, but he wasn't listening. Then everything slowed down as he pulled the trigger. I felt the bullet enter my torso and the blood started pouring out. Then he leaned over me and whispered, _'Goodbye Dr. Reid. You should have just-'_ I don't recall the rest of his sentence because I blacked out." Reid tried to open his eyes, but before he could his mind began to replay the shot over and over again. His body started shaking and then one phrase began to leave his mouth over and over again.

"No, please don't do this. I will do anything just don't. Just put the gun away." Morgan instantly remembered the words. It was the words left on his voicemail right before Reid was shot.

"What is happening to him Morgan?" Garcia had a panicked look on her face.

"He is reliving the shooting again. My guess is that his mind has it on an endless loop. Simply put I think that Spence is having a panic attack." Morgan released his lover's hands to grip his face. He rubbed his thumbs soothingly against Reid's cheeks as he spoke to him, "C'mon Pretty Boy. I'm right here. It's not real…you're just reliving something that already happened. C'mon Spence, listen to my voice. Follow my voice." Reid's eyelids began to move rapidly as he tried to open his eyes.

"Morgan?"

"Yes, Pretty Boy. It's me baby, it's Morgan. There you go. Open those beautiful brown eyes for me baby boy." Reid's eyes fluttered open. There was a slight sheen of sweat coating his forehead. Once his vision settled he was instantly in Morgan's arms…seeking the warmth that he knew the man could provide. "It's okay Spencer. You are-"

Morgan was cut off by the ringing of the phone. He looked down at his watch noticing that it was time for the unsub to call back. He grabbed the napkin that JJ held out to him only barely noticing that Garcia had left the room. Morgan began to dap at the moisture that had collected on Reid's face as Hotch answered the phone.

"This is Special Agent Hotchner."

"_Well, hello there Agent Hotchner. I take it that I am on speaker."_

_ "_Yes, you are."

_"Very good. So on to the main event. Have you all figured out anything that can help you with the case?"_ Garcia was recording the entire conversation from her lair as well as trying her hardest to find out where he was hiding.

"We do know that you used Dr. Reid's own gun when you shot him. Also that you intended to kill him. My question is why you didn't?"

"_The great thing about your last response is that the first two parts are correct. The problem is that not killing him was an accident, but don't worry I'm still working on that. So, you have nothing that will help you catch me?"_

"Not yet, but it is only a matter of time." Hotch spoke with a seriousness that seemed to radiate throughout the entire room.

_"Where is Dr. Reid?"_

"He is currently-"

_"I don't want excuses Agent Hotchner. I want the genius on the phone, NOW!"_ Hotch looked over at Morgan. He knew that Reid would agree, but Morgan was an entirely different story. He noticed Morgan tense before he sat back, moving to allow Reid to stand and move over to the phone. Reid cleared his throat before speaking.

"This is Dr. Spencer Reid."

_"There is my favorite genius. So, tell me doctor. Do you prefer them tall, dark, and handsome?"_

"Excuse me? I'm sorry but I'm not following you."

"_I believe that Agent Morgan is your current choice for a partner. So, that simply implies that you like them tall, dark, and handsome. Which explains a lot, but on to more pressing matters. Since you have yet to figure out anything important or helpful, let me lend you a hand. In an alley about four blocks from the Bureau you will find a white male who is dead. Maybe he can shed some light on our little situation. You have forty-eight hours before another body shows up. I suggest that you all work quickly. Ciao for now."_

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**_A/N: Again I would like to thank RogueStorm84 for being an amazing beta! Thank you all for reading this story and reviewing! I love you all for it! So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to R&R! Until next time...See Ya :D _**


	5. Chapter 5

**Not Ready to Lose You Chapter 5**

_**A/N: So here is another chapter for you all! I would like to thank RogueStorm84, for being the beta for this chapter and doing an amazing job. So the author note is pretty short this time. Enjoy!**  
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_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the Characters, well I own the psycho but he is the only one! :D**_

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The area was busy with local PD, CSU, medical teams, and of course the BAU. The team stood circled around the body of the first victim. There was no one around the alley, so there was no way that there could have been any witnesses. The entire scene was morbid and not helping Reid with managing his anxiety. They all shared a silent moment as they braced themselves for the task before them. Soon all eyes were on Spencer. The team studied his features, trying to get some inkling of how their youngest felt about this. Sadly, Reid was not displaying anything that they could analyze. Nothing that they could use to better decide how to proceed. Eventually it was Reid that broke the silence.

"You guys I am _fine_. Now can we please get on with the case? We have already lost an hour and we know that _he_ is very, very punctual." Reid looked at Hotch expectantly, waiting patiently for his orders.

"Reid and Rossi head back to the Bureau and go back over the notes. See if there is anything we missed and tie our latest victim to any information we have."

"But Hotch, we have gone over that information countless times, there isn't any extra-"

"Reid! Just do it." When Reid and Rossi left the scene Hotch resumed delegating tasks. "Morgan, Prentiss, I want you to stay here and process the scene. When the body is taken go see the M.E. I want all the information we can get and I want it immediately. JJ, you're with me. I am sure that the press will be here at any moment and we need to get a handle on this before they ruin everything. Let's end this soon so that Spencer can go back to his life." The remaining team members scattered immediately, ready to solve this case as quickly as they could. Innocent lives were hanging in the balance, as well as Spencer's. They all prayed to get a lead, because they needed one sooner rather than later.

* * *

Reid flopped down in a chair, a rough huff leaving his mouth. Rage was written all over his face as he flipped page after page, searching through the information that he had already memorized. He knew that doing this was pointless, that there was nothing that his one hundred and eighty-seven IQ had missed. _Hotch is doing this to keep me out of the way._ Rossi stood next the table, observing Reid's behavior. He waited in silence knowing that soon Reid would begin to vent his frustrations.

"How can Hotch do this to me? I specifically told everyone that I was not sitting out on this case. So what does he do? He orders me back to the Bureau like a fragile toddler." Reid ran his hand through his hair, tugging lightly on the brown curls.

"Maybe, Reid, he did this to protect you."

"I don't need protecting!" Reid's voice rose and his hands clenched and unclenched.

"That doesn't mean that we aren't going to try anyways. Listen Kiddo, we're a family and families do whatever they have to, to protect their own. You are our resident genius and we will protect you. So just learn to deal with it," Rossi said before he exited the room.

The rage that Reid had been feeling was beginning to simmer down. He was acting like a brat. At a time like this there was no room to be acting like a child who didn't get the toy they wanted. Reid knew that behaving this way was reckless, dangerous, and more importantly selfish. For so long he had yearned for people who loved him. He had fought tooth and nail to survive long enough to get out of school and find loved ones who would risk their lives for him and vice versa. He finally had what he had desired and he was griping and moaning about them protecting him.

"What's happening to me?" Whispered Reid to an empty room, because honestly he had no clue what this case was doing to him, but he certainly didn't like it.

* * *

Media personnel swarmed the scene trying their hardest to get a glimpse of the victim. They were vultures waiting to swoop down and salvage whatever they could for their own personal gain. The only thing that was keeping them from getting to the crime scene was police tape and JJ. Hotch had been standing with her, but had quickly vanished once the body was being moved. She understood that he had other things to tend to, but she really didn't have a good feeling about talking to these reporters. So, JJ stood alone, in what she would have deemed a very weird position ready for the worst, facing the very people who had a knack for jeopardizing cases.

"Agent Jareau, is it true that there is a serial killer at large?" A brown haired lady held her recorder out, waiting patiently for the answer to her inquiry.

"We have no evidence that there is a serial killer roaming the streets."

"Do you know who the victim is and why the killer chose him?" This question came from a blonde male. He stood about five feet four and was on the slim side. His thin hands were shaking as he waited anxiously for JJ's answer so that he could write it down for reference later.

"Sorry but we do not have that information at this time." JJ flashed a brief smile.

"It has been said that the Bureau is somehow connected to the murders, is that true?" JJ couldn't see who had posed the question, but she recognized that it was a woman's voice.

"That allegation is incorrect. The FBI is not connected to the case. We are simply investigating because the body was dumped so close to our facility."

"So does this mean that the killer's true target is not Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid?"

There was a minute twitch to JJ's left eye. That was not a question that she was expecting, nor was it one she wanted to answer. She refused to give that bastard hunting her son's godfather the satisfaction. She would not allow the monster to ruin Spencer's life any further. She was not going to entertain the destruction of her best friend's right to a personal and private life.

"That is all the questions that we are taking at this time." JJ's voice, much to her surprise, was strong and unwavering.

"But you haven't answered the que-"

"The answer is no. This had absolutely nothing to do with Dr. Reid. Thank you for your time." Hotch led JJ away from the reporters. She looked up at her boss, gratefulness shining brightly in her eyes. Hotch gave her one of his rare reassuring smiles before heading back to the Bureau.

"How do you think Spence is doing?" JJ had been worrying about her best friend for the entire duration of the case. Her intentions had been to ask Morgan, but he was clearly in no condition to talk about it. Morgan was doing better than she thought he would have, but there was still a haunted look in his eyes. A look that probably wouldn't vanish until the Unsub was caught.

"He is probably upset with me right now. Other than that, I'm not really sure how he is doing. What I am sure of though is that Morgan will take good care of him." Hotch's cell phone began to ring effectively ending the conversation. He answered, listening intently to whoever was on the line. The brief moment of dread that crossed his face proved that this was not good.

"Hotch, what's wrong?"

"There has been another murder. We just found our second victim." Not good at all.

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**_A/N: So, how about that cliffhanger?! Well hopefully I will be able to update soon! Please don't forget to R&R! Your reviews are like creative soul food! Until next time...See ya :D_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Not Ready to Lose You Chapter 6**

_**A/N: So here is another chapter of this story. I want to thank RogueStorm84 for being the beta for this story and for doing a wonderful job looking over this chapter! I also want to thank all you readers for Reading, Reviewing, Favoriting (This is not a word, but I had to call it something), and/or Following this story! Your support gives me the boost I need to continue on this journey with Reid, Morgan, and the BAU team. Well enough of my rambling...here is Chapter 6 of 'Not Ready to Lose You'. Enjoy!**  
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_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds of its characters, only the psycho and the victims are my creation.**_

_**Warning: Mention of murder/violence(Mild)**_

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After finding the second victim before the forty-eight hours had been up the team had gone into overdrive. The tension was high and the room was drenched in silence. The unexpected death of yet another person had spurred an intense feeling of dread. But no one was affected more than Reid.

This burden rested heavily on his shoulders. To him every life that was lost was his fault. These lives were being taken because he had lived. His mind was wondering what if. What if he had given up in the apartment? What if Morgan had answered the phone? What if he had simply let his life slip away? Logically speaking he knew that dying had not been an option. Even if Reid had simply let go he knew that the Unsub would have just chosen another victim…and then another…and another until he was caught. But emotionally he was being swallowed whole by the guilt. It covered him completely, stealing his sense of ease and throwing him into a downward spiral.

He had been extremely moody lately. Snapping at unexpected moments at people that he had never lost his temper with. Just half an hour earlier Reid had yelled at Hotch, "Do it yourself! I'm not a work slave!" Only once the words were out did Reid realize his outburst and apologize profusely. Now the team was gathered in the conference room. Hotch stood looking over his team. With his eyes portraying no emotions he took everything in. The distressed look that his youngest agent was wearing was painful to watch. Reid was falling apart right before their eyes and they were no closer to fixing this. No closer to making Reid safe again and easing his guilt. Morgan sat off to Reid's side. Hotch noticed how the brawn of his team shadowed Reid's every move. He was like the moon orbiting Earth. Reid was Morgan's Earth.

The older agent had a glint of despair in his eyes. His hope was slowly diminishing and he was clearly beating himself up over this entire ordeal. Hotch watched Morgan as he got a faraway look in his eyes, most likely thinking about what he could have done to protect Reid better, even though he knew that he couldn't have done anything. Still Morgan replayed everything in his head, making himself suffer instead of letting it go and helping Reid through his hard time.

Prentiss was staring down at the new victim's file but she hadn't turned a single page in the last five minutes. Her face spoke of deep thought and concern. JJ was mindlessly playing with her hair. Her eyes trained on her son's godfather as emotion after emotion flickered on and off her face. Garcia was typing with a look of pure determination and ferocity. Since the call with the name of the second victim, she had been sitting in the conference room digging through his life. They all looked haunted. His entire team, but the only two agents not showing it were himself and Rossi. Hotch quickly looked to his right to see Rossi studying the team just as he was.

Hotch knew what the team needed. They needed to get focused. They needed to pull it together and push harder. "What do we know?" Hotch posed the same question that everyone had asked for the past thirty minutes.

"Well, he is clearly obsessed with Reid. So from that alone we know that he had a trauma in his past. Most likely as a child. He is clearly angry, but what was his stressor?" Prentiss asked as she looked up waiting for an answer.

"Before we can know that we need more of the profile. What did we learn from the Medical Examiner?" Hotch asked, trying to steer the conversation.

"Victim one was twenty-seven year old Jason Montello. He was shot in the torso. The ME said that the bullet_ had_ been lodged in between the fifth and sixth ribs." Morgan paused when Reid spoke up.

"What do you mean by _had_?" Reid asked.

"The bullet was removed…before death. The spleen was also nicked. So, while the bullet was being removed he was also bleeding out."

"The incision was done like it had been practiced. The examiner suggests that the Unsub is probably a surgeon or surgical intern. The toxicology report came back clear so he wasn't drugged. There were also no defensive wounds and no signs of sexual assault." Prentiss placed a photo on the table. The team finally had their game faces on. Reid grabbed the image from the table.

"This is the work of an intern."

"What makes you so sure Reid?" Morgan asked, leaning forward to look over his lover's shoulder. Reid pointed to the incision in the photograph.

"The incision isn't perfect. The edges are slightly jagged as if the hand was shaking. Shaking because he was nervous." Reid explained with ease. His spirit was finally rising after solving another piece of the puzzle.

It was Rossi who shot down Reid's spirit when he said, "Well not necessarily. Remember the victim was awake when the bullet was removed. Since there was clearly no drugs in his system it is safe to assume that the Unsub did not provide morphine or an anesthetic. So, the jagged marks could be from the way that the victim struggled against the pain of the cut." Reid's frown deepened as he thought about what Rossi had pointed out. He was right. There was nothing that they could conclude from the incision. _Maybe if the victim had been dead, then we could draw a conclusion, but considering the amount of pain that it could cause to be cut open right over a fresh bullet wound…_ Reid's thoughts came to a halt when he heard Garcia squeak with excitement.

"Okay my pretties," exclaimed Garcia as she finally looked up from her laptop. "I finally have a connection. Our victims are twenty-seven year old Jason Montello and twenty-nine Danny Ford. Montello was a medical intern just like our sick Unsub but Ford was a gym trainer. They both have different racial backgrounds, as well as places of birth and family dynamics."

"So, what is the connection then Garcia?" JJ asked.

"I managed to pull up the financial records. Both males frequented the exact same bar. A bar named-" Garcia was cut off by the loud ringing of the phone. The room went silent as the team stared at each other. Hotch was the first one to move. Clicking the button to accept the call the entire team held their breaths, not knowing what to expect.

_"Well agents, I take it that you found the second victim? Hmm…how does it feel to know that his life was taken because of your stupidity?"_

"Why did you kill Danny Ford before the forty-eight hours were up? " Rossi questioned as he took a seat at the table. There was a gut wrenching feeling that was nagging him. With his facial features under stern control he fought against letting everyone know how this was going to end. He knew what this sick bastard wanted…Spencer. And he wanted him now.

_"You should probably ask Agent Hotchner that question. Perhaps you can enlighten us Aaron."_

"I don't know-"

_"Bullshit! You know exactly what you did! The entire nation knows thanks to your little statement to the press. Did you really think that I wouldn't be watching? You denied the fact that this whole case circles around Dr. Reid. You robbed me of my achievement. Ripped away the only thing that matters! The pathetic socially challenged FBI agent has already taken my dignity! I will NOT allow him to take away my credit! So as retribution for your crimes against my passion I want the dear doctor. You have twelve hours to return Spencer Reid to his apartment __**unprotected**__. If I see one officer I will murder another person. If I see that Agent Morgan is loitering I will kill another person! And if Dr. Reid is not present I will kill one victim every twenty-four hours! Soon Spencer, we will be together again. You have twelve hours…time starts now."_

The line went dead. The room was filled with harsh breathing and an eerie beeping sound. Fear was written on everyone's faces. Garcia's eyes brimmed with the tears that threatened to spill over. All eyes shifted to look at Spencer. He shuddered as memories that he had ignored rushed forward. Reid found himself surrounded by his agony and despair. He was going to die, he was sure of it. If the Unsub didn't kill him then the guilt would. There was a nagging feeling that Spencer was all too used to. He fought hard to push the thoughts and voices aside. With the dark moments of his past shoved aside he tried to find what he was missing. Reid still didn't understand what he had done or who he had upset. Then as if an answer was waiting for the right time to present itself, everything clicked into place.

"We met at a bar," Reid said, blinking quickly to dislodge the tears that hampered his vision. He felt his lover tense next to him, but he forced the rest of the information to come out with silent tears marring his face. "We met at a gay bar. He is doing this because…be-because I-I-I turned d-down his invitation to dinner and a movie."

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**_A/N: Well there you have it. I know that you are probably trying to figure out why I left it here. Well, let's just say that next chapter will be very revealing and Morgan will learn some things about how Reid is feeling. Anything in particular you want to see just PM me or Review! So as always don't forget to R&R, because Reviews equal love and support which means more creativity for me to share! Until next time...See Ya :D_**


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: Hey there once again my lovely readers. I hope that you all have been doing okay. I am deeply sorry about how long it has taken for me to get this update out. Between all the other projects I have going on I had a hard time focusing on just one. But finally here it is. Sadly though, we are almost at the end. Only a few more chapters before the ending of 'Not Ready to Lose You'. It has been a great journey so far and I hope that you all will continue to support this story as we reach our climax. So enjoy chapter 7! Remember R&R!_  
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**_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or its Characters._**

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"I think I'm going to be sick," stated Reid as he rushed from the conference room. Morgan shot Hotch a questioning look. When he gave him a subtle nod Morgan left the room to find his partner. After a few minutes he found the younger agent puking in the men's room. Rubbing soothing circles on Reid's back Morgan whispered comforting words to his lover. It felt like hours when the puking had become dry heaves and then finally stopped.

Reid slumped back against the wall as he held his head in his hands. Morgan sat close to him attempting to give some kind of comfort. It felt like forever that they were sitting on that floor. Simply just sitting and listening to the other breathe. Morgan decided that enough was enough as he reached out and grabbed his lover's hand.

"Spence, maybe it's time that you sit this one-"

"Don't you even think about completing that statement Derek." Reid took his hand out of Morgan's as he felt his defenses go up.

"Pretty Boy this is clearly affecting you more than it should. At least go home and get some rest."

"This is affecting you just as much as it is me. Why don't you go home and get some rest?"

"This isn't about me," was the mumbled response from Morgan.

"Yeah, I get it. This isn't affecting you as much because it won't matter to you if I die. At least you will still be alive. At least when this is all over, the blood of all these victims won't be on your hands. So, you know what? You're right this isn't about you. You will be just fine." Reid stood quickly and ran from the bathroom, his hands scrubbing at his face and he fought the tears. Morgan gave a deep sigh before he decided that he better chase after Reid and fix this before the genius did something idiotic. The genius was known to get himself into more than one sticky situation because of ignorance.

Morgan exited the bathroom only to notice that Reid was nowhere in sight. "He went home." Morgan turned at the sound of Garcia's voice. She had a look on her face that said that she wasn't giving him the entire story. So he crossed his arms over his chest and gave her one look that he knew made her squirm. Eventually she cracked under the pressure. "He said that since no one really cares about him as a person and only as a victim that he was going to make it easy for us to continue on that way. Derek, he went back to his apartment."

"Shit!" exclaimed Morgan as he rushed from the FBI building to give chase to his lover. His blood boiled with anger, but nothing compared to the fear that was eating away at him. He had finally found someone that made him whole. Someone who made his life purposeful. There was no way that he was about to just let Reid through himself to the wolves.

"Thank God for the small things," muttered Morgan when he realized that Reid didn't have a car. He sped towards the train station knowing that Reid wouldn't have gotten too far. After about five minutes Morgan spotted the lithe man and pulled over to the sidewalk, jumping out immediately.

"Spencer, please don't do this."

"Why not? The only thing you all want is a victim. Well I'm trying to give you what you want," stated Reid without turning around. He was waiting with bated breath for Morgan to say something that would talk him out of this.

"Spencer that is not true. I need you to not do this. Please Pretty Boy I am begging you."

"There is nothing that I can give you anymore Morgan. I'm too weak…too afraid. You would be better off with someone else." Reid heard Morgan growl low in his throat and that is what made him turn around to stare at the dark skin agent.

"I don't _ever_ want to hear you say that again. All I need is you. There is no one else. Now get in the damn car and let's go home…our home." Morgan opened the passenger side door and stood there until Spencer had gotten in and buckled his seatbelt.

"Now genius, tell me what was going through that big brain of yours that made you do something so stupid." Said Morgan as he put the car in gear and headed towards his house. Reid was silent for a moment and for a second Morgan thought that Reid was not going to answer him. He wasn't going to have that, but then Spencer's voice filled the car.

"I'm scared Morgan. Afraid of all the death that has occurred because of me. Afraid of the people that I could lose if he really does start to devolve. Derek I can't lose you or the team. I would rather die than let something happen to you all because of me."

"Spence, listen to me. Trying to get yourself killed is not going to help the team or this case. We need you Spence. I need you. Without you I wouldn't be able to get through this. You are much stronger than you know. So I need you to trust me enough to keep you safe. Can you do that?"

"Derek you know that I trust you with my life."

"But that doesn't answer my question. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I can do that."

"Good now get your ass in the house. I will be right behind you." Morgan waited for Reid to vanish behind the door before he pulled out his cell and dialed Hotch.

"_Hotchner_."

"Hey Hotch, I got Reid home safe. I'm going to stay with him for a little while and then we will be back at the office."

"That's fine. And Morgan," Morgan heard the relief and desperation in his boss's voice. It was unusual for Hotch to display any emotion, but right now he was opening himself up in order to drive his point home. "Take care of him and yourself."

"Hotch I'm not the o-"

"Morgan, please just…just do it."

"Fine Hotch, I got it."

"Good I expect to see you both back here in a few hours." With those being his last words the line went dead. Morgan sighed as he got out of the car and headed towards the house. _"What are we going to do? Something has to give because there is no way in hell that I am giving up my Pretty Boy."_


	8. Chapter 8

**Not Ready to Lose You Chapter 8**

_**A/N: Hello Everyone! I know, I know. You are all wondering where I have been and why it has taken me so long to update. Well let's just say that life got hectic, some writer's block occurred, and then life got even more hectic. But the good news is that life has calmed down, the writer's block is gone, and I am ready to finish what I started. I want to thank all of the readers who have been still subscribing to this story and many of my others. Don't fret! They will all be updated in due time. So without further ado here is Chapter 8! Enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or its Characters.**_

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Morgan entered his home and instantly felt a chill creep down his spine. Looking around he expected to see Reid staring at him, instead he found a note resting on top of the coffee table. He quickly snatched it up preparing himself for the worst. His heart sunk when he noticed Reid's elegant handwriting and tears came to his eyes as he read the letter.

_Dear Derek,_

_ I just want you to know that I love you no matter what happens. Thank you for being so patient and understanding through everything, but I'm afraid that it is time for this game of cat and mouse to end. I'm just tired of fighting back Derek. We all know that I was never as strong as you, but that is okay because now it is my turn to protect you. You're going to feel guilty as you read this, but you shouldn't. This was my choice….just like this is my fault. So in an effort to do my job and protect not only the innocents but also the people I love, I have to fix this. By now you have probably figured out that this is a goodbye and that I am going to give myself over to the UnSub. So, goodbye Derek._

_ Love,_

_ Your Pretty Boy_

Derek felt the emptiness seep into his bones as he read the letter over and over and over again. The rage that he felt was aimed at so many people, including himself. _How could Spencer do this to me? How could he do this to us? Hell, how did I let this happen?_ Self-doubt penetrated through the deeply rooted confidence that the darker agent usually wore and the vulnerable person that he had been during his own traumatizing event came forward. Clueless was the way that he felt…clueless and empty.

Morgan was shaken from his emotions as his phone began to ring. Without looking at the caller ID he flipped it open and spoke.

"Morgan."

"Is it true?" asked a frantic Garcia.

"Is what true, Baby Girl?" Morgan had a pretty good idea what she was talking about, but he just wanted to pretend for one more moment. He wasn't ready to admit to someone else that Reid was gone. Because admitting it to someone else was like finally confirming everything. He wasn't ready for reality….not now…not yet.

"That Reid is gone. Did he really do something this stupid?"

"Yea Pen, it's true. He thinks that he is protecting us by giving himself up. Does the rest of the team know?"

"If what I am looking at is any indicator then they should all be trying to cope with this as we speak. He addressed the email to the entire team. Well, all except you."

"Yea well he left me a letter. There were some things that he wanted to say to me and only me."

"I can understand that. Hold on sweetie. I'm moving to the conference room. Bossman wants the team assembled."

Derek held onto the phone with a death grip. He listened to the silence on the other line as he waited to be connected to the team. Luckily he was dealing with Garcia and she never faltered when it came to making sure that the team was in constant communication when needed.

"Derek?"

"I'm here Garcia."

"Good. Tell us what happened, Morgan," came the command from Hotch. Morgan noticed the way that the senior agent's voice strained, but he chose to ignore it.

"Honestly Hotch I don't know. I was on the phone with you for like two minutes and then when I came in he was gone. I can't believe that I actually let him out of my sight after that conversation in the bathroom. How could I have been so stupid? Did I really expect Reid to change his mind about something that he had obviously already planned out?" The answer was yes, but thankfully no one called him out on it. He had truly hoped that Reid would listen to reason. Of course, he had to be in love with a man that was just as stubborn as he was, if not more so.

"Morgan, beating yourself up is not going to help us find Reid. So, let's go back. What conversation in the bathroom?"

"When he left the conference room I went behind him. He went to the bathroom and he was throwing up the little food that I could get him to eat over the last couple of days. We had a talk and he told me that he was going to turn himself over. He thought that he would be protecting us and giving us what we wanted….a victim." Morgan heard the sharp gasp that came from Garcia which only drove the stabbing feeling in his heart further on the regret scale.

"Any idea where he might have gone Morgan?" '_That's the million dollar question now isn't?_' Thought Morgan before he gave his answer.

"I have no idea Hotch, but we have to find him. We just have to. There is no way that I am going to lose him Hotch. I already came close once because of this sick SOB, but not again. I won't be able to cope if it happens again. I just-"

"Derek! Calm down. None of us want to lose him; nor are we going to think that way. We need you to focus….Reid needs you to focus." The firm command from his boss pulled Derek back from his close breakdown.

He could feel his heart breaking as he tried so hard to think like his lover. In this moment he finally understood the agony that Spencer had been going through. The constant fear of what was lying around the corner. The twisting hatred that he must feel towards himself, because he felt that the deaths of the previous victims were his fault. The driving need to protect those that he held dear…..those that he loved. All of those things bombarded Morgan, but he pushed them aside, forcing himself to focus. _Dammit Spence, what the hell were you thinking?_

"The café Hotch. He wouldn't go to his apartment because he would want to meet in a public place and he needs time to talk to the UnSub, to see if he can talk him down. If he went back to his apartment we would probably get there before him. This way, things are on his terms."

"But he would have to know that we would think of the café right? So, why there?"

"That's exactly why he chose the café. It isn't that he doesn't want to be found. It's that he doesn't want to be found too quickly."

"Well we will meet you there Morgan."

"I'm already my way."

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_**A/N: Well there you go. I know it'snot much, but I will update soon I promise. Thanks for reading and I look forward to your reviews! Until Next Time! See Ya :D**_


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